Our Code of Conduct

See something in this document that you disagree with or believe could be presented better? Let us know! We consider our working definitions and frameworks to be always in-progress and we sure do love feedback and collaboration!

The ethos or “vibe” that we hope to create through our events, both inside and outside our walls, is that of a community of artists who recognize kink as a creative and magickal form of self-expression.

In service to this purpose, our play party procedures are inspired by the Ten Principles of Burning Man and are as follows:

CONSENT

We play by vampire rules! You have to be invited in.

We think of consent as an active, well-intentioned collaboration rooted in the autonomous power inherently held by every human being. For a more detailed definition check out our Consent Statement.

Our events will have a lot of sexually charged situations, mostly or fully nude people, etc. Ask explicit permission before engaging in any play or sexual touch. If you see a spanking line, ask if you can have a smack! If you see people deeply involved in a scene, that’s a perfect opportunity to respectfully watch and learn.

Dungeon Monitors: At our events, we have volunteers that serve our community by helping resolve disputes and initiate conversations about consent between people. The primary role of Dungeon Monitors is to facilitate communication between participants and to keep our event coordinators apprised of sensitive situations.

If you see a situation that concerns you, or if your boundaries are violated, please do not hesitate to find a DM to discuss the situation. The further from the incident it is brought to a DM or leader’s attention, the harder it becomes to intervene. Outside of the moment, options become much more limited.

SAFE WORD: The house safe word is “RED”, and must be respected by all participants. If “RED” is used and the scene does not stop, please intervene and immediately report this to a DM. “RED” may also be used if someone non-consensually engages with you in order to alert participants and Rangers.

THREE STRIKES POLICY: We use a three-strikes framework for handling the sort of disruptive and discouraged behavior mentioned above. We ask our attendees to bring issues to the on-duty DMs as soon as they occur; it is MUCH easier to handle conflict in the moment rather than weeks or months after the fact.

Strike one is equivalent to a verbal warning. Strike two will result in the reported individual being asked to re-read and sign a copy of the party rules and policies with an explicit acknowledgement that they will be banned upon a third strike. Strike three will result in a temporary ban with an expected duration of one to three events depending on the severity of the offenses.

BANNABLE OFFENSES: Transgressions we consider bannable even if they do not occur at a Three of Canes event include (but are not limited to):

Physical assault
Sexual assault
Property Damage or Theft

These are very broadly-defined categories that encompass a lot of nuance and we understand that ban-worthy incidents may not fall neatly under one of these categories.

For information about pursuing group leader action against someone who has committed a consent violation, please see the Three of Canes Consent Incident Policy.

SELF-EXPRESSION

People will be naked! People will be doing crazy shit naked! Be respectful. We want to foster an environment where people feel safe to radically express themselves - don’t engage in behavior that detracts from that.

INCLUSION

We encourage diversity of all types in our events. To us, having a large range of people, expression, and points of view makes our community vibrant and robust. We are all here to learn from each other. We’d like our events to celebrate these differences and help people find opportunities to expand the range of their experience.

SELF-RELIANCE

SELF-RELIANCE: There’s a burner truism that addresses this point, ‘You are responsible for your own experience.’ You are your own best resource! Pay attention to yourself and move about the space with intention. It’s your responsibility to monitor your own state of mind and communicate that as clearly as possible to the people you are engaging with. You are also expected to ask about their state of mind and be responsive.

If you don’t know, ask. If you see someone who doesn’t know enough to know they don’t know, tell them. Rope suspension, edge play, sharps play - these are dangerous activities that require a base level of knowledge. If you don’t have that base level for anything that could be dangerous, ask a DM or someone known for that skill to teach you.

PRESENCE

Being fully in the moment and present with people and situations around you is part of what makes our culture so intense and special. Being immediately responsive to your own needs and the needs of others is a very important skill. If you want to flirt with someone, go for it! If you notice that a scene is piquing your interest, go indulge your curiosity and watch. If something is making you uncomfortable, leave the area and get a cookie. If your boundaries are violated, SPEAK UP or get with a DM . Be responsive to what is going on around you!